Son of Record Store-ies

Another one of my co-workers at the record shop was a sweet little lady named Bess. Bess was probably in her late 70s or older when I worked there and she had worked in record stores since the 1940s. She was the stereotypical "little old lady" who looked as if she still wore white gloves to church. She enjoyed having lunch at the Luby's Cafeteria, where Miss Inez still played the organ during the lunch rush. My boss had given Bess a job when she read a newspaper article about how Bess had worked at Melody Shop in downtown Dallas for over 40 years and they had fired her so they could hire someone younger. Melody Shop quickly went out of business because of the bad publicity the story garnered.

Melody Shop's loss was our gain. Bess was a goldmine!

She told me some great stories about one of her favorite customers, Jack Ruby. Yep, THAT Jack Ruby. He used to bring some of his "floozies" (Bess's term) into Melody Shop and buy them records and record players. He always asked for Bess to wait on him and he always gave good tips. "I never believed all those stories about Mr. Ruby. He was always very nice to me." But not to Lee Harvey Oswald, apparently.

My favorite Bess story: one summer day, Bess and I were alone in the shop. A couple of "tough" looking punk wannabes came in and started looking through the stacks, making obnoxious remarks about the "fuckin' hippie records". I ignored them, as I was trying to re-alphabetize the country 45s. Bess walked up to the biggest one and asked sweetly in her tiny mousy voice, "can I help you young men find anything?"

He smirked at his friend and replied "yeah, ya got any Metallica?, which prompted snorts of laughter from both of them.

Bess turned around, flipped through the M's and pulled put a couple of records. "Here's a copy of Garage Days Re-Visited, and I believe this other one is the Enter Sandman 12-inch single. They're quite popular with the young people. Will that be cash, check or credit?"

The punk wannabes both stared at Bess like she was from another planet, ironic since both of them had multiple piercings and multi-colored hair, and this was before it was popular to look like a macaw. They bought their Metallica records and always said hello to Bess when they came in after that.

Bess was a rocker at heart, and I don't mean rocking chair.



Several memories related to the records we played in the store come to mind. By the way, this was a RECORD SHOP and we played RECORDS, not CDs:

1. We were all big Randy Newman fans, and a copy of his LP "Good Old Boys" was kept in the play stack behind the counter. We had explicit instructions to only play the less objectionable side two, NEVER side 1, which starts off with "Rednecks" ('we're keeping the niggers down" goes the chorus of that tune). Side 2 would be ending and I or another one of my co-workers would be involved in something or other and not paying attention. Bess would inevitably forget and flip the record over and then as I was helping a customer, I'd hear Randy sing "Last night I saw Lester Maddox with some smart-ass New York Jew", and I, Chuck or my boss would literally sprint through the store, leaping across the counter to rrrrrrriiiiiippppp the stylus off the record......

2. Whenever we played "Who Are You?" by the Who, my boss was usually in the office. At the point in the song where Daltrey shouts "Ahh, who the FUCK are you!?" she would come out into the store and always made sure we were all looking at her when she lip-synced that line. Then she'd turn around and go back into the office.

3. An older gentleman picks up a copy of "Trout Mask Replica", the Captain Beefheart LP, which had been on Chuck's desk. (Trout Mask Replica has an.... errrrr....unusual cover.) He brings it up to me at the front counter, shakes his head and asks me "what the HELL does this one sound like?"
The incredulousness in his voice immediately puts me into hysterics and I can't answer. Chuck comes up and says "what's up"? and I'm laughing so hard I can only point: record, old man, Chuck. Chuck says to the old guy, "Errrr, you won't like that one."

4. I was being interviewed for an article on vinyl vs. CDs in the Dallas Morning News when a customer calls and says that she needs a love song, but she can't remember which one. "Can you just name all the love songs you have in the store?"

5. I had a bit of a reputation for not suffering fools gladly. This happened several times: A customer came in and rebuffed me after I greeted them and asked what they were looking for.
"You can't POSSIBLY help me! You're much too young!" the customer pompously sniffs.
So they go to Chuck and ask him. He doesn't know the answer, so he asks me. Of course, I know the answer. The customer comes back up to the front counter, looking at me expectantly. "Well?"
"I'm too young to know what you're looking for, so I can't possibly help you", I seethe at them.
The customer runs back to Chuck, crying "she was rude to me!!"
Chuck replies in his laconic manner, "You're lucky she didn't leap over the counter and kick your ass."