My Thanksgiving this year went remarkably smoothly, except for the Greenville portion, and that was entirely my fault. On Thanksgiving Day, I always go to my aunt's and uncle's house in Rockwall, meeting up with my aunt and uncle, my other uncle, my cousins and my grandfather. My aunt's cooking is superb and it's great to visit with them until the tryptophan takes effect and everyone starts to nod off like junkies after a fix. My grandfather gave me a big bag of pecans, so I'll be making some pies for Yule.
On "Black Fridays", I avoid the stores like the plague (22 years of working in retail will cure you of wanting to shop on the busiest shopping day of the year) and I make the trek to my hometown of Greenville to see my aunts and my cousin, all of whom I love dearly. My elderly aunt is not doing very well and I wanted to visit with her, but her husband, who normally keeps to himself and lets us catch up and go to lunch with my aunt Carol and my cousin Tracy, would NOT STOP TALKING VERY LOUDLY and incessantly. When he wasn't shouting, he was singing or whistling. I had not slept well the night before and wasn't feeling all that great, so after about an hour of being interrogated with the same questions:
1. Where's your husband?
2. Why isn't he with you?
3. Where are you going?
4. Where are we going?
5. Do you want some money?
I was exhausted. I honestly don't know how my elderly aunt puts up with it. He seems on the verge of dementia. My aunt told me that his daughter had had to put a freeze on their bank account because he gave his Social Security number and bank account info out to some woman who called him regarding some "sweepstakes" he had won, even though he had been repeatedly warned not to do that. He also compulsively gives money away to anyone he comes in contact with. He kept throwing mints, pens and anything else that was near at me, exhorting me to "PUT THAT IN YOUR PURSE!"
I didn't get to visit with my aunts or my cousin nearly as long as I would have liked to, because I was so exhausted I was worried about having to drive back. My eyes didn't want to focus, which they do when I need to rest, and my head was starting to spin. I felt terrible, because my elderly aunt seemed so disappointed when I told her I had to go. I love visiting with them and I only got to see them for a couple of hours. I won't get to see them again until next year. My aunt Carol and my cousin Tracy have to deal with him and they have enough on their plates. I wish I had their energy and their patience. I was holding the door open when those virtues were being handed out, apparently.
The rest of Friday went fine. After resting, my husband and I and my sister-in-law went to World Market, which wasn't crowded, oddly enough. Then Adrian and I went out to dinner with an old band mate of his (and friend of mine) and her husband. We had a lovely dinner at the Hare Krishnas' restaurant and then back to my sister-in-law's place for sleeping like the dead.
This morning, Saturday, my other sister-in-law took us out for lunch at On The Border. It was not so great. That place has really gone down hill. It was pouring with rain, and did so all the way back to Austin.
When we got home, Dinsy was waiting for us with two empty food bowls and a cross look on her furry little face. She soon got over it and was purring away with a full belly and a warm spot on the chair. I'm looking forward to sleeping very late in the morning and psyching myself up for going back to work with the idiots. I shouldn't be so mean, I guess, they did give me a turkey. I'm going to cook it for Yule. I have to work on Christmas Eve, so we can't go up north again. Adrian's family are coming down here which will be great! We had such a good time last year. Now that's something to look forward to....
I'll take a clue from my friend Shelly and list the things I'm thankful for:
1. My husband Adrian - He's my best friend, my soulmate, my StudBoy(tm). I've learned far more from him than he'll ever know. He makes my life worth living.
2. My family - the ones who still speak to me on my side, and my husband's siblings. They show me how families are supposed to be: loving, supportive and above all, FUN!
3. My friends Shelly and Phillip - I can't convince them to move to Austin, but I hope we always stay close.
4. My kitty Dinsy - there's nothing like the unconditional love you get from a pet. People who say cats don't love like dogs do are seriously misguided.
5. I'm thankful I do have a job (even if it is with a bunch of idiots) because so many in the mortgage industry lost their jobs this year.
6. My friends Tracye, Jimmy and Machelle - I'm so glad I caught up again with two of them and I hope the other one doesn't forget us. We've been friends far too long for that....
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Take This Job and..........
don't shove it just yet, because I still need it until I find another one. I have had a nose full of these idiots. It's not just the constant "AWESOME!", that stopped back at the end of September when one co-worker quit. It's not even the creepy "Your team means EVERYTHING! Are you giving ALL to your TEAM?!?" messages on the monitors, constantly showing all day, every day, threatening to turn me into a Moonie if I let my guard slip for a split second.
No, it's the piss-poor lack of planning of the management and the monster ego of the CEO, a man spoken of in reverent tones by almost everyone there. This is a man of whom I've heard the following:
- "he walks the walk and talks the talk of the God I worship". That was in an email today.
- "if you look at his eyes, you can see the constant flow of ideas flitting across his mind. The man's a genius."
This is the same man who hires people based on their Enneagram scores, not on work history or personal references (If you're not familiar with the Enneagram, click on the link. It's pseudoscience at its worst).
This man also has determined (through the magic of the Enneagram) that he will mandate attendance of certain classes. Do these classes teach you how to perform your job better? Why, no, they don't. The classes are based on which of your personality traits that he has decided need pursuing. Mine was "leadership". Apparently, wanting to come to work early everyday, work through lunch and do my best to make as much money for his company as possible indicated a "lack of leadership skills".
So, every Monday for the last 3 weeks and for the next 7 weeks, he wants, nay, DECREES that I shall explore my leadership abilities in this class, leaving work to pile up on my desk. This also means that I get to work on Saturdays at time and a half to make up for the last hour and a half I lose on this class. Oh yes, and there's also "How Not To Think Like A Victim" classes. I get to take those too.
I recently attended a purely functional meeting between the upper management and the shipping dept. They asked what ideas we might have to make things run more smoothly. My ideas were the following:
- stop making us move to different cubicles all the time. I've been there less than 4 months and I just got moved into my 4th cubicle today. Fat lot of good THAT suggestion did.
- stop forcing us to take classes that have nothing to do with our jobs. If we were such damaged people, we should never have been hired in the first place. Believe you me, I wish that was the case with me....when I indicated that perhaps this indicated a Messiah complex on the CEO's part, you should have seen the looks I got. Like I had stepped on a kitten.....
- how about hiring some more shippers? Nope, didn't think so. They've hired 12 more production people, but no more shippers.
When I left my former job (oh, how my former co-workers will laugh when they read this post...'that bitch got what was coming to her!'), my boss gave me some helpful advice, which I would have followed, but could not. He told me to "hide it, if you're not feeling great." I can't HIDE anything. I'm physically unable to do that. My heart is on my sleeve, my emotions are always on my face. If I don't like something, you'll know about it, sooner or later, probably sooner. I've always been like that and I know a lot of people who don't like people who can't lie and fake things. My ex-boss is a very smart man. He doesn't lie, he just picks his battles. I've never been good at that. I've always been more like a Don Quixote type...tilting at windmills. That's why he has a very stressful, high-paying job and I'm stuck with this one. There was one lady at my former job who suggested that my way of being was due to "immaturity....or ADHD", but what the fuck did she know? She didn't even have a college degree and was jealous of mine. Now I have a chronic health condition and couldn't handle the stress even if I wanted to.
No, it's the piss-poor lack of planning of the management and the monster ego of the CEO, a man spoken of in reverent tones by almost everyone there. This is a man of whom I've heard the following:
- "he walks the walk and talks the talk of the God I worship". That was in an email today.
- "if you look at his eyes, you can see the constant flow of ideas flitting across his mind. The man's a genius."
This is the same man who hires people based on their Enneagram scores, not on work history or personal references (If you're not familiar with the Enneagram, click on the link. It's pseudoscience at its worst).
This man also has determined (through the magic of the Enneagram) that he will mandate attendance of certain classes. Do these classes teach you how to perform your job better? Why, no, they don't. The classes are based on which of your personality traits that he has decided need pursuing. Mine was "leadership". Apparently, wanting to come to work early everyday, work through lunch and do my best to make as much money for his company as possible indicated a "lack of leadership skills".
So, every Monday for the last 3 weeks and for the next 7 weeks, he wants, nay, DECREES that I shall explore my leadership abilities in this class, leaving work to pile up on my desk. This also means that I get to work on Saturdays at time and a half to make up for the last hour and a half I lose on this class. Oh yes, and there's also "How Not To Think Like A Victim" classes. I get to take those too.
I recently attended a purely functional meeting between the upper management and the shipping dept. They asked what ideas we might have to make things run more smoothly. My ideas were the following:
- stop making us move to different cubicles all the time. I've been there less than 4 months and I just got moved into my 4th cubicle today. Fat lot of good THAT suggestion did.
- stop forcing us to take classes that have nothing to do with our jobs. If we were such damaged people, we should never have been hired in the first place. Believe you me, I wish that was the case with me....when I indicated that perhaps this indicated a Messiah complex on the CEO's part, you should have seen the looks I got. Like I had stepped on a kitten.....
- how about hiring some more shippers? Nope, didn't think so. They've hired 12 more production people, but no more shippers.
When I left my former job (oh, how my former co-workers will laugh when they read this post...'that bitch got what was coming to her!'), my boss gave me some helpful advice, which I would have followed, but could not. He told me to "hide it, if you're not feeling great." I can't HIDE anything. I'm physically unable to do that. My heart is on my sleeve, my emotions are always on my face. If I don't like something, you'll know about it, sooner or later, probably sooner. I've always been like that and I know a lot of people who don't like people who can't lie and fake things. My ex-boss is a very smart man. He doesn't lie, he just picks his battles. I've never been good at that. I've always been more like a Don Quixote type...tilting at windmills. That's why he has a very stressful, high-paying job and I'm stuck with this one. There was one lady at my former job who suggested that my way of being was due to "immaturity....or ADHD", but what the fuck did she know? She didn't even have a college degree and was jealous of mine. Now I have a chronic health condition and couldn't handle the stress even if I wanted to.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Triggered Memories
Every year starting on November 1st, I give myself permission to listen to my favorite holiday CD, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Vince Guaraldi. I love this recording so much, I only listen to it during the holiday season, so it doesn't lose its power over me. This is one of the few recordings I've found that can trigger pleasurable childhood memories for me, such as:
- my mom and I getting the green bean casserole put together to take to my great-grandparents' house for the family xmas celebration. It's very cold outside and Mom is letting me carry the foil-wrapped glass dish to he car. I feel very excited that I'm going to see my family and also because there will be lots of wonderful food.
- a similar memory: Mom and I heading out to Campbell to see the family there. One year, when I was 6 years old (1971), my grandmother and I had baked cookies to leave out for Santa Claus with a glass of raw milk (they lived on a dairy farm). I was sleeping on the couch, and about 4am, a light from the kitchen woke me up. I sleepily woke up and saw my grandfather eating the cookies and drinking the milk! I cried, "PAPAW! Those are for Santa! Now he won't leave me any presents!!!"
My grandfather replied, "Aw hell, girl, there ain't no Santa Claus. Now git back to sleep!"
My grandmother "set him straight" the next day, but that's when I found out the awful truth.....I did get a great present that year; a stuffed Flip Wilson doll. When you pulled the string, Geraldine said "The Devil made me do it!"
There's another recording that gives me sad childhood memories, and I can't listen to the song without crying: "Young and Innocent Days" by the Kinks on the Arthur album.
I look back at the way I used to look at life
Soft, white dreams with sugar coated outside
It was great, so great
Young and innocent days
I wish my eyes could only see
Everything, exactly as it used to be
It’s too late, so late
Young and innocent days
I see the lines across your face
Time has gone and nothing ever can replace
Those great, so great
Young and innocent days
- Ray Davies
This song reminds me of when I was grown up and I found out that many of my happy memories from holiday celebrations were put on purely for the children's benefit. My mother's siblings were angry at their parents for mistreating them when they were children, and for making some of the grandchildren favorites and almost ignoring the others. This hurt me tremendously, thinking that all this jealousy and anger was swirling around me and I was too dumb to notice.
It also reminds me that the people I love have gone, leaving me bereft. Others I love have grown so much older and I realize that I won't have them much longer.
This song is beautiful, as are many of Ray Davies' songs, but this one I have to skip over when I listen to the CD. It hurts too much to hear the truth sometimes.
- my mom and I getting the green bean casserole put together to take to my great-grandparents' house for the family xmas celebration. It's very cold outside and Mom is letting me carry the foil-wrapped glass dish to he car. I feel very excited that I'm going to see my family and also because there will be lots of wonderful food.
- a similar memory: Mom and I heading out to Campbell to see the family there. One year, when I was 6 years old (1971), my grandmother and I had baked cookies to leave out for Santa Claus with a glass of raw milk (they lived on a dairy farm). I was sleeping on the couch, and about 4am, a light from the kitchen woke me up. I sleepily woke up and saw my grandfather eating the cookies and drinking the milk! I cried, "PAPAW! Those are for Santa! Now he won't leave me any presents!!!"
My grandfather replied, "Aw hell, girl, there ain't no Santa Claus. Now git back to sleep!"
My grandmother "set him straight" the next day, but that's when I found out the awful truth.....I did get a great present that year; a stuffed Flip Wilson doll. When you pulled the string, Geraldine said "The Devil made me do it!"
There's another recording that gives me sad childhood memories, and I can't listen to the song without crying: "Young and Innocent Days" by the Kinks on the Arthur album.
I look back at the way I used to look at life
Soft, white dreams with sugar coated outside
It was great, so great
Young and innocent days
I wish my eyes could only see
Everything, exactly as it used to be
It’s too late, so late
Young and innocent days
I see the lines across your face
Time has gone and nothing ever can replace
Those great, so great
Young and innocent days
- Ray Davies
This song reminds me of when I was grown up and I found out that many of my happy memories from holiday celebrations were put on purely for the children's benefit. My mother's siblings were angry at their parents for mistreating them when they were children, and for making some of the grandchildren favorites and almost ignoring the others. This hurt me tremendously, thinking that all this jealousy and anger was swirling around me and I was too dumb to notice.
It also reminds me that the people I love have gone, leaving me bereft. Others I love have grown so much older and I realize that I won't have them much longer.
This song is beautiful, as are many of Ray Davies' songs, but this one I have to skip over when I listen to the CD. It hurts too much to hear the truth sometimes.
