Sunday, January 25, 2009

Phobias

Most people have phobias of scary things like heights, spiders, snakes and such. I like to think of myself as fearless, but the fact is I'm actually very afraid of two things: search lights and horseshoe crabs.

Search lights (like the type outside movie premieres) make me think that Hitler is coming to get me. I don't know why this is; perhaps I was a Jew in hiding in a previous life or maybe I saw too many bad Nazi WW2 movies. My mom found out about this phobia of mine when I was about 8 years old and we were driving down Northwest Highway in Dallas, where there are loads of car dealerships. For some reason I cannot fathom, car dealerships back then used search lights at night. We passed one when it was pointed directly at our car and I freaked out. I screamed and hid my head and later that night (and for days afterward) I had nightmares about Hitler and the Nazis coming to get me. Now the only time you see search lights is in front of topless bars and I usually don't have to drive past those. I get the heebie-jeebies just seeing the lights in the sky.




My second phobia I became aware of a few years back when I was working in the antique mall. One of the dealers had a showcase of fossils, rocks and unusual sea shells, and they also had a couple of horseshoe crabs (not alive, of course). If you haven't seen one, they are the most vile, prehistoric and loathsome creatures known to mankind:


Underneath, they're even MORE horrific:


Of course, someone would want me to open up that showcase and TAKE ONE OF THEM OUT to look at it more closely. No, sir. I would have to call my six-foot-five co-worker to do it, and even he would only hold it by the tail and grimace. I want all who read this to appreciate how difficult it was for me to post photos of these revolting crustaceans. I had dreams of one of these crabs coming back to life. I would be running down the aisle screaming like a banshee while the reanimated arthropod scurries down the aisle after me, making a metallic rasp on the concrete floor.

What are YOU afraid of?

4 comments:

adrian of austin said...

How about a searchlight that projects an image of a horseshoe crab on the clouds?

adrian of austin said...

Oh, there's a rumor that I'm afraid of possums (possi?), but that's just a lie from the pit o'hell.

HOLMES said...

Maybe you'll be less afraid of them if you listen to more George Jones tunes.

Robin said...

What am I afraid of? Have you seen the movie Training Day? Yep, afraid of people fucking me over. All the time.
But more than that, big ass water roaches, like the ones that live in Houston. Creep me out to no end.