This week's homework assignment from the shrink is:
a. name 4 things I'm good at
The only things I could come up with related to work or how I do my job. I can't say that I'm a talented artist like my husband or a great educator like my friend. I can't even call myself a musician anymore. I guess I'm a good worker and I don't find much comfort or pride in that. It's like saying I'm a good donkey. I can't call myself a writer because I don't write. I can't keep a flow of words going anymore. It's too frustrating.
b. name 4 things that are good about me
When I get in black moods like I'm in now and have been in for some time, I can think of NOTHING. I'm not fishing for compliments here; this is an indicator that my depression is back very strong and perhaps I shouldn't be fighting myself about going back on to antidepressants. I've never had a healthy self-respect but my self-loathing is getting out of control lately. I don't like myself. The fact that other people may seem to tolerate my presence doesn't have any effect on that estimation.
c. name some clubs or associations that would be fun to get involved in
I joined Wheatsville Co-op but I haven't been to any meetings. Maybe I should go. I have no idea about other clubs in Austin; I'm sure there are loads but the idea of being among lots of college-age kids holds no allure for me. I do plan on Googling this subject to see if any clubs exist specifically for middle-aged depressed women with nasty attitudes. How about a "TOO OLD TO BE EMO" Club?
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4 comments:
You're funny, how 'bout that...even when you write about being depressed- you end it funny. here- i'll give you a list...
1. you're funny
2. you are thought full and not closed minded
3. you love deeply (obvious from everything that you have ever written or said about your Mom and those you hold dear.)
4. you tell the truth...no matter what.
5. you have great eyes...which I can say and not feel weird about because you're my cousin!! :))
sorry you feel so down. that sucks.
You're the most important thing to me, elle. Over everything - the house full of "stuff", the job, whatever "talents" I may have - all of that is worthless compared to you and your health.
1. You're excellent at sniffing out bullshit. I'd say you are in the top 1% in the world in this category.
2. You ARE a good worker. I will vouch for that.
3. Your writing is excellent and captivating, regardless of how far it may have regressed ;-)
5. You can count better than me. Now lob that holy hand grenade!
You are beautiful,funny,smart & you are good at writing and you always say I love you when you end a message to me.
I love you too!
Aunt Carol
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