I Used to Like Winter

I used to look forward to this time of year, when the weather got colder and the stifling, unrelenting heat would finally go away for a few months. The heat never bothered me when I was a kid, sitting on a tractor on a 100 degree summer day, baling hay for my grandfather or doing other kinds of farm work. Milking cows was best, because I was inside a concrete block dairy, completely wet from head to toe. Of course, I was also covered in cow shit, but I wasn't hot, so I didn't split hairs.

Nowadays, the colder weather wreaks havoc with the fibromyalgia, making my joints and muscles ache, and my fatigue becomes 10 times worse. I'm supposed to get Trigger Point injections on Feb. 11th. The pain specialist thinks that they'll help me better than the spinal epidural injections I received last year. The difference is, instead of getting a needle in only my neck and lower back, this time I'll get them in all 11 trigger points. They're supposed to knock me out. They'd better.....

My shrink, who professed at our first meeting that she wasn't wild about medicating depression, told me at our last meeting that she feels that I need to go back on antidepressants. I've felt this way too for some time; however, the newer ones my GP wanted to try with me were very expensive (even with insurance), so I held off, probably for longer than I should have. She and I talked about my going back on Prozac, which worked longest for me and with the fewest side effects. Since it's been around now for 15 years or so, maybe it wouldn't be as expensive as Lexapro. I'll call my GP and ask her about it tomorrow. I also need to get a letter from her stating that I have a chronic health condition and shouldn't be required to work more than 40 hours a week. The asshats are rumbling about more work coming up, and I don't want any trouble from them. Get another job, you say? That's what I've been desperately trying to do for the last 6 months now, with no success. The mortgage business has forever tainted me for anything but retail, I guess.......