Money and Pain

We received our tax refund this week. We had already decided that most of it would be spent on things for the house, such as a new water heater and maybe a dishwasher. Adrian also needs new glasses. I splurged and bought myself an iPod Touch. It's worth every penny, let me tell you. I rely on my iPod to get me through the boring work days, when all I do is look at payment vouchers all day until my eyes are like pinwheels.

My uncle Larry (my father's younger brother) passed away last week. He was loading a U-Haul to move to Texas and dropped dead of a heart attack. I don't remember him very well, because for most of my life, he lived in California with his family. They lived in Greenville for a little while when I was in junior high and gave me their water bed instead of having to move it back to Cali. I remember that he looked just like my father and was usually laughing about something. I'm sorry I didn't get to know him better.

I worry about my family in Greenville because of all the drama they have to deal with. Constant health problems, dealing with elderly relatives who do not understand why they can't live at home anymore, etc. It was a constant struggle when I still lived at home, so I feel like I had to move away. Dallas was not far enough. It's not that I don't love them, far from it. I just cannot deal with constant tragedy. I cannot see why I have to deal with it in order to prove my love for my family. All of my family members profess to understand why I moved to Austin, but I have to wonder if they really think I ran away from them. Maybe it's my own sense of guilt speaking. I do know that my mother always wanted me to be happy and it caused her pain to know that I wasn't happy while growing up and also for a good chunk of my adult life. When she died, I made a promise that I would be happy. Although I've missed her desperately for the last 7 years (9 years if you count the time while she was ill), I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life. I feel like my life has a "flow" now, like things are happening the way they should. That's all I ever wanted and that's what my Mom wanted for me. I only wish she were here to share it. I wish things would go smoother for my family too. They've had to deal with too much for too long.

I thought my nose was running, but it'snot........

I've had "cedar fever" all weekend and didn't go to work today. This is the first year it's bothered me. Usually everyone around me is suffering and I'm fine, greedily breathing through my nose at their misery. I slept all day today and only got up to go grocery shopping.

Back to work tomorrow.....lots to do. I see a new pain specialist on the 10th. Looking forward to that, oh yessssssss..........