All Settled Down

We were involved in an accident in May 2007. It wasn't our fault and we sustained a fair bit of damage (and in my case, minor injuries), so we sued. It's all been finally settled and we should be getting the proceeds in a couple of weeks. Not loads of money, but enough to buy us a new bed. We'll be Tempurpedic shopping by the end of the month....

A Pagan's Progress

I was raised a Southern Baptist. I went to Catholic school for 1st grade. Since I was about 12 years old, I have considered myself a pagan. That's actually a misnomer; I didn't know what a pagan was when I was 12, but I knew that worshiping an old man wrapped in a sheet sitting on a cloud did not resonate with me.
I always hated going to church, because I felt out of place and bored, not to mention that my clothes weren't as nice as my Sunday School classmates' and they took special care to bring that up. My grandmother told me that I would get things that I prayed for, but that never seemed to happen. I didn't pray for stuff like bicycles or toys; I prayed that I would not be molested anymore and that my father would realize that it was a mistake to leave me and my mother and he would come back and pay attention to me. It never happened and my anger and resentment grew.
The only time I felt at peace was when I went to my grandparents' farm and sneaked out of the house at night. I would climb over the fence and lay on the hard, grazed over ground in the pasture next to the house, staring up at the stars. That was church for me.

I started reading about paganism about 20 years ago. The word "pagan" means peasant or rural dweller, or someone who follows a polytheistic belief system and feels a connection to Nature. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature, as we all know. It's always made more sense to me to believe in a feminine Deity, but now I know that there has to be a male counterpart for life to begin. Since I don't have children (nor plans for any) this might seem like a contradiction, but while I believe that procreation must take place for Nature to continue, I don't think that it pertains to every human on the planet. It makes more sense to me to make the world a better place for the children who are already here, not make more that we are ill-equipped to take care of in the first place. Death should be just as important as life and concentrated meditation (or praying or casting spells) can be a valued part of life.
I also like the ancient idea of the "wise woman" or crone. I want to be one of those weird old ladies (or witch, if you like) that people go to when they need advice or remedies for their situation. I feel like I actually may have been one in a previous life. I've never understood the infatuation with youth in this culture; why not venerate old people who have life experience and a knowledge of history?

My husband is an atheist and I myself went through a long agnostic period, mainly because I didn't realize that there was an alternative to believing in the Christian god, except not believing in anything and I knew that wasn't right for me. I'm sure he'll be appalled to read this, since I tend to keep my beliefs quiet. He's incredulous that I like to watch "Ghost Hunters" and I actually believe in an afterlife. I don't question his ideas and he doesn't question mine. I have a wonderful atheist husband and wonderful Christian relatives and friends whom I love dearly. Whatever gets you through the night is all right, as John Lennon said.

Migraines are not cost effective

I called in sick today because I went to bed and woke up with a screaming migraine that was causing my left eye to swell shut. I didn't have migraines for most of the summer, because summer in Texas is usually just one thing: HOT. When the season changes to spring and fall, they kick up again because of the change in barometric pressure. Hurricane Ike is making landfall tonight, so I should have realized that a headache was in the cards.

It's hard to describe what a migraine is like; the only comparison I can make would be someone plunging a bayonet through your temple and punching you in the eye at the same time. I've had them most of my life and can usually deal with them fine. I have meds for them, I just don't keep them filled because they're very expensive and the pharmacy will only give you 6 tablets, which for me will take care of 1 headache. I should have filled the prescription 2 days ago anyway, when I got an aura. For those of you unfamiliar, auras are little flashes of light on you peripheral vision or a disturbance in the visual field. Mine make everything look like it's outlined in neon glitter. Everything gets shiny to the point where I sometimes can't see anything for a few minutes and I have to go to the ladies room and cover my eyes for a while. I spent most of the day today in bed and I'll probably do that most of tomorrow too, until the winds die down.

Coot Humor

Hey thar, little gal! You're lookin' mighty sweet in your torn britches and your blue hair. Wanna see my Pride & Joy?

I like your nose rings too. Ya like my 3 carrot ring?

What say you and me go get us a hamburger sandwich and a malted milkshake? Let's court, you cute lil' heifer!

The only thing better than:

- a Mexican Coke is a Dublin Dr Pepper.

- chocolate cake is Red Velvet Cake.

- Led Zeppelin are the Yardbirds.

- Mexican food is Indian food.

- Jonathan Ross is Russell Brand.


- Russell Brand is Rhod Gilbert, especially since he mentioned me twice on his podcast this week (I was on the radio in WALES!)



- a cute cat is a talking cat:


- a talking cat is a babbling cat:

Things to do

I finally got my hair cut last night, the first time since February. It's kind of a shag with bangs. Now I need to color my hair again so it doesn't look so mousy. It's been long and thick and bothersome, especially since summer began and the 100 degree days started, so I was very happy to lose about 4 inches of hair.

I got for my yearly "well woman" (HAH!) exam at the end of this month. I've been using my elliptical machine regularly, but I haven't noticed any change at all in my weight. It has helped my pain level, so I guess it's worth it. I'm still exhausted most of the time.

My father called me couple of weeks ago and mentioned that he will be moving his mother (I haven't referred to her as my grandmother in 20 years. She's a terrible bitch) in with him and his wife. I made a comment that "I'll bet your wife will LOVE that" and he got pissed off and hung up on me. Maybe he'll stay out of my life for good. My life goes better without him in it.

My aunt and her husband are finally in an assisted living facility. They should have been there 2 years ago. They hate it, of course. My aunt told me that it's like living in a hospital. They're both angry that his daughter sold their car, even though neither of them can drive anymore. I try to sympathize with her, but after a phone call from her, I feel drained. I'm sad that she's so desperately unhappy.

I'm very much looking forward to the end of summer, or at least the end of 100 degree days. We still have another 2 months of them. I hate summer.....

Bitch Slapped by Sobriety - Chapter Two

Dad and I have always been like two peas in a pod. Dad taught me how to ride a bike, to always open doors for old ladies and to wash my hands after visiting the toilet. My mom wasn't around when I was growing up. My dad told me that she died in a bizarre accident. Apparently, she chopped her own head off with my dad's axe. Dad said his clothes got all bloody when he tried to reattach it. That's my dad; always trying to help others.

I know that when I have kids of my own, I'll try to impart my dad's wisdom and life lessons, such as:

- If it feels good, it must be good for you.
- You'll never lose a fight if you have more bullets than the other guy.
- Try your hardest to act like a normal person.
- Don't wear your wedding ring when you're trolling for chicks.
- Always keep your axe sharpened. You never know when you'll need it.
- Don't try to reattach something that just "fell off". The cops won't understand.

Our Olan Mills portraits - don't we look alike?

My Job

My cousin has asked twice now how my new job is going, so I guess I'd better say. It's going fine. I can wear jeans and t-shirts, shorts and flip flops; how many office jobs have a great dress code like that? My boss is kind and I get to listen to my iPod all day when I'm not answering the phone. The Tower is air conditioned, which is nice after a long, sweaty walk across campus from the bus stop. I get to ride Cap Metro buses for free and we have 2 hour lunches at the slightest provocation. Several supervisors order in cookies, breakfast tacos or pastries whenever they feel like and we all get to share them. I got to drive to work and have lunch with my husband (who just got a long-awaited promotion) every day. The tax payers will give me a small raise every year. After I've been there two years, I'll get a "longevity pay" bonus. I get every bank holiday off and two weeks off at Yule.

What's not to like?

Sleepwalking Through My Life

Some of you may not know that I sleepwalk on occasion. I have for most of my life, in fact. The first episode that I remember was when I was 7 years old. I was spending the weekend at my grandparents' farm in east Texas, as I usually did, and it had rained the night before. I woke up Sunday morning and was mystified as to why I had muddy feet. The bed was muddy too. My grandmother was very angry and threatened "a whoopin'", but my mother explained to her that I would sleepwalk and would try to go outside if the door was unlocked. Since my mom and I lived in town, the doors were always locked at night, but back then in the country, many people didn't bother to lock their doors at all. They were always locked after that. I was glad, since that meant Bigfoot or Dracula couldn't come in and carry me away, always something to consider when you're a kid and watch too many horror movies.

Since I've been with my husband, he's told me of many instances of my nocturnal wanderings:

- the most recent was this past week. He had just come to bed and I had been asleep for a short time. All of a sudden, I sprang up and exclaimed, "THERE'S A LEMUR IN THE BEDROOM!" Adrian asked me how on earth a lemur would get into the bedroom and I told him "through your overhead projector. Can't you see it's stripey tail??" After he patiently explained to me that there was not, in fact, a lemur in the bedroom, I got back into bed and resumed my slumber.

A Lemur


An overhead projector

- Years ago, when I still worked in a record store, I sprang up from bed and proceeded to "assume the position" with my hands on the wall. Adrian, who was reading in bed, asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was holding up the wall because it was falling down. He told me that the wall was fine, and back to sleep I went.

- I've also woken up on my hands and knees in my closet "trying to keep my papers from flying off my desk". I don't however keep a desk in my closet, so the exercise was rather futile.

- I've woken up clutching a picture from the wall, and broke it while flinging it away from myself in my surprise.

- I walked into the kitchen on night and apparently put my soy milk into the freezer, then went back to bed. When I was fixing my bowl of cereal the next morning, I asked Adrian if he had known I was out of soy milk. He said, "no you have soy milk, you put it in the freezer last night. Don't you remember?" I asked him why didn't he put it back into the refrigerator and he told me, "well, I thought you might have a good reason for wanting to freeze your soy milk". My husband, always the practical one.

I also talk in my sleep periodically. The most memorable time that happened was when I worked in the record store. I stirred and exclaimed, "the only profound thing in the world is a man with a record up his ass!" Wishful thinking, maybe? Record collectors can be difficult to deal with.

I must be entertaining and useful to live with, what with fighting off flying primates, holding up walls and expounding my philosophies while asleep. Most people just lie there and snore.

Schwag

May 20th was our 14th wedding anniversary. We had a quiet evening, but enjoyable nonetheless. My husband gifted me with an iPod Nano, and I have enjoyed it tremendously. I did have a Shuffle, but you can watch video on the Nano. Oddly enough, I mainly listen to podcasts and audiobooks. Here are some of my favorites:

Podcasts
Answer Me This (two Brits answer strange questions from their listeners)
Rhod Gilbert (very funny Welsh DJ from BBC Radio 4)
Ricky Gervais (from The Office, of course)
Hall of Mirrors (horror fiction from the British Stephen King - fantastic writing!
Car Talk - NPR's Click & Clack, The Tappit Brothers - funny car show

Audiobooks
Librivox - books in the public domain, mainly classics. Loads of great stuff!
Learn Out Loud - free educational stuff - language lessons, classes about everything under the sun.

Listening to podcasts, music and audiobooks makes the work day go by faster, especially when your job is repetitive and somewhat boring. Not that I'm complaining....it's so much better than what I had.

I got my hubby the Mac OSX operation system for our Apple computer. He had some probs with it initially, but I think he fixed them because it runs great, as usual.

We also received our Republican Guilt Money(tm) that week ("Sorry we completely screwed up the US for the last 8 years, here's $1200"). We probably should have saved more, but instead we did our part to lift up the depressed economy with our purchases of an elliptical machine (which I work out on everyday) and a garbage disposal. I broke our old disposal by dropping a cereal bowl in the sink and then turning the disposal on when there were still pits of crockery lodged in it. I'll try my hardest not to break this one.

Montezuma's Revenge

My last post turned out to be prophetic in a small way. Last Sunday, I grocery shopped at Whole Foods and bought loads of wonderful things. Monday evening after dinner, I had a peanut butter rice krispy treat (organic, from Whole Foods) for dessert, and I was up all night vomiting, among other things. I stayed home from work on Tuesday and Wednesday, sick as a dog. Thursday morning, I felt a tiny bit better so I went on to work. By lunchtime, I was weak and dizzy, not to mention having a ferocious case of the trots. My GP had prescribed some Phenergan suppositories (oh, what fun; there's nothing I like better than putting things up my butt) to deal with the nausea, but the sluices were still open full blast at the other end *wink, wink*.
So, I went to the ER. The doc diagnosed gastroenteritis and I was made to drink some nasty, sickeningly sweet drink that was supposed to "replenish my electrolytes", whatever those were. All it seemed to do was fill me up with more stuff that made noise. At least I didn't get stuck with a needle....

It's now Friday, and I did go back to work today, but spent all afternoon running back and forth to the ladies room and hoping my co-workers weren't noticing the gawd awful rumbling from my guts. It sounds like there's a tiger in my trousers, and not the good kind. I thought Whole Foods was supposed to be GOOD for you?

On a much nicer note, I bought Adrian the new Mac OSX operating system for our anniversary. He bought me an iPod Nano, which can play video and has much more room for stuff than my Shuffle. Our 14th anniversary is next Tuesday, so we jumped the gun a bit, but oh well. We both can't wait when it comes to our toys.

Child Free...by choice

I've never wanted to be a parent. I assumed when I was younger that, when I became older, my "biological clock" would start ticking and a longing for offspring would naturally follow. Needless to say, it never did. I was the oldest grandchild on both sides of my family and, although I loved being around my younger cousins very much, I never wanted a child of my own. So, child free I am. I prefer the term "child free" rather than "childless" because the latter connotes that I am missing something by not having children, or that I want to have kids but can't because of some physical reason.

I can pinpoint the night when I pretty much knew I would never be a mother. My aunt Vicki was sick with the flu and she asked me to stay the weekend with her to keep an eye on her oldest child (who was then a toddler). She lived in a trailer then and I was sleeping on the couch, which was right outside the baby's room. My aunt was in the far end of the trailer and was too sick to get out of bed.

About 2am, I awoke to my little cousin screaming at the top of his lungs. I slumped up off the sofa and opened the door to his room and that's when the stench hit me. "Great, a dirty diaper", I thought and flipped on the light. My cousin was standing up in his crib, shaking the side bars and shrieking. I was astounded to see that he was covered in shit; shit was dripping off his bed, it was on the walls, the ceiling....it was a world of baby shit.

I gingerly picked him up and took him to the bathroom, where I bathed him (gagging all the while), then quieted him down and put him down to sleep on the sofa. I then cleaned up all the crap (still gagging like there was no tomorrow), which took me 2 hours, after which I fell asleep exhausted in a chair in the living room. The seed was planted:
Do you want to do this on a regular basis, Lisa?..........errrrrrrr...NO.
Do you want to do this ever again, Lisa?..........errrrrrr.......NO.
You grew up poor, Lisa....do you want to have money to spend on yourself? .......
errrrrrrr.....YES.

Does that make me selfish? Probably. On the other hand, I've had mental health problems, physical health problems and I'm not a patient person. My family's genetics are not that great. Why would I want to pass any of that down to another person? Put all that with the fact that I don't really like children (I didn't like children even when I was a kid myself) and babies scare me and that's a pretty good recipe for disaster. I dread when two of my new co-workers give birth in the late summer. I'm sure they'll bring their babies to work and want me to hold them which always fills me with horror. Give me a kitten or puppy or any other type of baby animal to hold and I turn into a big, baby-talking pile of mush, but babies give me the heebie-jeebies. So does the thought of being pregnant. I was pregnant for a very short time a few years ago and I couldn't get to the clinic fast enough for an abortion.

I've been "bingoed" in the past, starting when I was only 16 years old:
"You'll feel differently about your own kids".
"Of course, you'll have kids. EVERYONE has kids".
"Only real women give birth. You'll never be a real woman". (I guess a working vagina and tits has nothing to do with being a "real woman"?)
"Who'll take care of you when you're old?"How is that argument not selfish; have kids so you won't be alone when you get old?
But after I turned 35, then 40, I guess people finally got the idea that it wasn't going to happen. That's a nice part of getting older. Now if menopause would get here, and I wouldn't have to worry about another unwanted pregnancy.....

I have no animosity toward children or babies, I just don't want one living with me, 24-7. I can even tolerate them in limited doses. I don't want to share my toys, literally and figuratively. Most of all, I don't want to have to clean shit off the walls.....

Tea & Symbolism - Electric Bugaloo

My Dream: Mom and I go to a large, white spherical shopping center, which looks like an airport concourse inside. I go to the ladies room and see a large hairy animal through a glass wall. When I come out, I can’t find Mom right away. When I do find her, she’s in a bathing suit and wet, like she’s just been swimming. She dries off and we go into a convenience store inside the sphere and buy candy bars. Then I’m on a horse, riding through a mountain valley with snow-peaked mountains. I ride into old San Francisco and there’s a sign that reads “1st and Lear”.

Words like white: People feel they can rely on you. You have an abundance of energy and vitality.

Words like shopping: Options. Necessities that need to be fulfilled.

Words like room: Central part of a house. Regarding something important within yourself.

Words like animal: Natural, untamed self. Freedom from civilization.

Words like wall: Defense. Protection. Seeking privacy and security.

Words like suit: Credibility. Professional identity. Looking for power and recognition.

Words like swimming: Movement through water of feelings contained by cultural constructs. You are in an emotional state.

Words like store: Abundance. Options. Variety.Seeking for new choices.

Words like buy: Average success. Good luck. Compensation. Reward.

Words like horse: To dream about horses generally is associated with big earnings and will enjoy prosperous and happy life.


Words like valley: Life. Protection. Growth. Feeling conformable with the present situation.

Words like mountains: Natural elevation of yourself. Aspiration. Success through effort.

Words like old: Long time. Mature. Sensible. Former times. Something could be completed or ready to be replace.

It worked!!

Tomorrow is my first day as a permanent employee of the University of Texas at Austin!
I'll be working in the same office where I was temping. They liked me so much, they wanted me to stay.......YAY!

Life Goes On

I've been working in the Office of Accounting for a week and a half now, and my supervisor asked me to interview for an admin position that "just became available". The temp gig had been for just 32 hours a week, and she told me yesterday that I can work for 40 hours if I want. I interviewed yesterday and thought it went well enough, but they won't let me know anything for another week or so.

I also had a telephone interview with another department this morning, and around lunchtime, yet another department called me for an interview. When it rains, it pours.

Now my husband is having some health issues, which I wish he would take more seriously. He has to take a stress test in the near future, and I'm going to revamp our eating habits. It's not fair to eat junk when your partner can't and I certainly don't need to either, so healthier eaters we will be, even if it pisses us off.

The Update

I signed on as a temp worker at UT (UTemps) and begin an assignment in the Office of Accounting tomorrow morning. It's supposed to last until May 15th. I also have an interview (FINALLY!) with the Department of Chemistry for an Admin. Assistant position on Thursday morning. Hopefully, the temp thing will work out into a permanent position and all my troubles will be over (yeah, right).

My pal Misty and her family came to visit last Thursday night! It's been almost 20 years since I last saw her:

She brought her husband and her two youngest boys with her. The boys had fun playing in the yard and with my stuffed animals, our fellas sat out back and Misty and I caught up. I was so good to see her! I've missed her so much. They took us out to eat later that evening before they had to head back to Lampasas.

The day after was the 6th anniversary of my mother's death and my nerves made me sick as a dog. I was sick all day and didn't feel better until Saturday afternoon. I finally received my first unemployment payout on Saturday. They send out debit cards now and make you wait forever for them. We had started panicking about our money situation, then it finally showed up, a week later than TWC said it would. I also appealed a ruling by TWC that I shouldn't be paid for the last week in February, and that hearing was this morning. Luckily for me, my former employers realized their mistake with the date of my severance pay (the problem) and didn't fight me on it, so I should get an extra week of unemployment. They'll probably make me wait forever for that too.

Dinsy and the Skwerl

Every time I let Dinsdale out in the back yard, the skwerls torment her. Today, it was this particular skwerl's turn.


The skwerl started out high up in the tree......


Slowly making his way down the tree, barking furiously all the while, the rodent prepares to skwerl it up on poor unsuspecting Dinsy.....


Closer, closer, ever closer......


Until they were almost nose to nose.......


Then the rodent runs back up the tree and Dinsy misses her chance at skwerly stew....Better luck next time, Dinsy!

Stuck In My Head

Outside in the cold distance
A wildcat did growl
Two riders were approaching
and the wind began to howl

-"All Along The Watchtower" - Bob Dylan

Winnie the Pooh Test

Your Score: Rabbit

You scored 15 Ego, 16 Anxiety, and 14 Agency!

IT was going to be one of Rabbit's busy days. As soon as he
woke up he felt important, as if everything depended upon him.
It was just the day for Organizing Something, or for Writing a
Notice Signed Rabbit, or for Seeing What Everybody Else Thought
About It. It was a perfect morning for hurrying round to Pooh,
and saying, "Very well, then, I'll tell Piglet," and then going
to Piglet, and saying, "Pooh thinks--but perhaps I'd better see
Owl first." It was a Captainish sort of day, when everybody
said, "Yes, Rabbit " and "No, Rabbit," and waited until he had
told them.

You scored as Rabbit!

ABOUT RABBIT: Rabbit is generally considered Clever by his many friends and relations. He is actually a much better reader and writer than Owl, but he doesn't consider it worth mentioning. Instead, Rabbit's real talent lies in Organizing Plans. He organizes rescue parties, makes schemes to reduce Tigger's bounciness, and goes on missions to find out what Christopher Robin does when he's not at the Hundred Acre Woods. Sometimes, however, his Plans do not always go as Planned.

WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT YOU: You are smart, practical and you plan ahead. People sometimes think that you don't stress or worry, but this is not the case. You are the kind of person who worries in a practical way. You think a) What are my anxieties about and b)what can be done about them? No useless fretting for you. You don't see the point in sitting around and waiting for things to work out, when you could actually work them out today and save yourself a lot of time and worry. Your friends tend to rely on you, because they know that they can trust you help them work things out.

You sometimes tend to be impatient with people who are less practical in their ways. You don't have much patience for idiots who moan about things but never actually DO anything about them. You have high expectations of everyone, including yourself. When you don't succeed at something, or when something goes wrong despite your best efforts to prevent it, you can get quite hard on yourself. You need to cut yourself some slack and accept that everyone has their faults, even you, and THAT IS OKAY. Let yourself be faulty, every now and then, for the sake of your own sanity.

The Deep and Meaningful Winnie-The-Pooh Character Test