First post of 2009

I don't usually make resolutions at New Years'. I find that I soon lose interest in such things as exercising (which I know I should do everyday) or eating right (I'm a foodie, what can I say?). I will make an exception this year. I will endeavor to be more creative. I'm going to post more regularly, even though the posts may not be always funny. Everyday life is not always amusing or entertaining; sometimes (many times) it's downright dull, but if I want to call myself a writer, I must write.

I'm on the last part of the 2 weeks winter break that we cushy state employees get every year. It's been absolutely great; I don't think I've ever had 2 weeks off all at once since I've been an adult. I've slept late every morning, watched movies, read books. I finished fixing my Yardbirds website (www.yardbirdsphotos.com) and gotten it up and running. I learned a new Mac application (iWeb) and generally, just enjoyed my life.

This past year was not bad by any means, even though I lost a job. It was a job I hated and losing it was a very good thing. I ended up with a job I like much better. Working at UT is like being a waiter in LA; everyone is something else (actor, dancer, director, etc.) and they're just working there to pay bills. I think that can be a healthy way to live if you tend to define yourself by your work like I do. It gives you something else other than work to put emphasis on. So, I'm now a writer who works at UT paying bills. Yep, that's the ticket, and it's a pretty good ticket.

Thangs Are Looking Up

The election is FINALLY over and my candidate won. So sorry if yours didn't. Those people who think that the US will suddenly become a socialist country obviously know very little about socialism. Ever had to call the police or the fire department? You've benefited from a socialist organization. Ever checked out a book from the library? You've benefited from a socialist organization. Were your parents wealthy enough to put you through private school? Then you probably went to public school, which is (wait for it)...a socialist organization. Socialism is NOT communism and the US will never be a purely socialist country. The (post-Nixon) Republicans let things get so bad that people seem to think that it's a reasonable fear, which is ridiculous. End of story.

I got a promotion and a nice raise this week. That was far more exciting to me than any election. I've got 2 weeks off at the end of the year, plus 2 days off later this month to go see my family. THAT'S what I'm excited about, not another election......and I still love my new bed.

My Job

My cousin has asked twice now how my new job is going, so I guess I'd better say. It's going fine. I can wear jeans and t-shirts, shorts and flip flops; how many office jobs have a great dress code like that? My boss is kind and I get to listen to my iPod all day when I'm not answering the phone. The Tower is air conditioned, which is nice after a long, sweaty walk across campus from the bus stop. I get to ride Cap Metro buses for free and we have 2 hour lunches at the slightest provocation. Several supervisors order in cookies, breakfast tacos or pastries whenever they feel like and we all get to share them. I got to drive to work and have lunch with my husband (who just got a long-awaited promotion) every day. The tax payers will give me a small raise every year. After I've been there two years, I'll get a "longevity pay" bonus. I get every bank holiday off and two weeks off at Yule.

What's not to like?

Tea & Symbolism - Electric Bugaloo

My Dream: Mom and I go to a large, white spherical shopping center, which looks like an airport concourse inside. I go to the ladies room and see a large hairy animal through a glass wall. When I come out, I can’t find Mom right away. When I do find her, she’s in a bathing suit and wet, like she’s just been swimming. She dries off and we go into a convenience store inside the sphere and buy candy bars. Then I’m on a horse, riding through a mountain valley with snow-peaked mountains. I ride into old San Francisco and there’s a sign that reads “1st and Lear”.

Words like white: People feel they can rely on you. You have an abundance of energy and vitality.

Words like shopping: Options. Necessities that need to be fulfilled.

Words like room: Central part of a house. Regarding something important within yourself.

Words like animal: Natural, untamed self. Freedom from civilization.

Words like wall: Defense. Protection. Seeking privacy and security.

Words like suit: Credibility. Professional identity. Looking for power and recognition.

Words like swimming: Movement through water of feelings contained by cultural constructs. You are in an emotional state.

Words like store: Abundance. Options. Variety.Seeking for new choices.

Words like buy: Average success. Good luck. Compensation. Reward.

Words like horse: To dream about horses generally is associated with big earnings and will enjoy prosperous and happy life.


Words like valley: Life. Protection. Growth. Feeling conformable with the present situation.

Words like mountains: Natural elevation of yourself. Aspiration. Success through effort.

Words like old: Long time. Mature. Sensible. Former times. Something could be completed or ready to be replace.

I Used to Like Winter

I used to look forward to this time of year, when the weather got colder and the stifling, unrelenting heat would finally go away for a few months. The heat never bothered me when I was a kid, sitting on a tractor on a 100 degree summer day, baling hay for my grandfather or doing other kinds of farm work. Milking cows was best, because I was inside a concrete block dairy, completely wet from head to toe. Of course, I was also covered in cow shit, but I wasn't hot, so I didn't split hairs.

Nowadays, the colder weather wreaks havoc with the fibromyalgia, making my joints and muscles ache, and my fatigue becomes 10 times worse. I'm supposed to get Trigger Point injections on Feb. 11th. The pain specialist thinks that they'll help me better than the spinal epidural injections I received last year. The difference is, instead of getting a needle in only my neck and lower back, this time I'll get them in all 11 trigger points. They're supposed to knock me out. They'd better.....

My shrink, who professed at our first meeting that she wasn't wild about medicating depression, told me at our last meeting that she feels that I need to go back on antidepressants. I've felt this way too for some time; however, the newer ones my GP wanted to try with me were very expensive (even with insurance), so I held off, probably for longer than I should have. She and I talked about my going back on Prozac, which worked longest for me and with the fewest side effects. Since it's been around now for 15 years or so, maybe it wouldn't be as expensive as Lexapro. I'll call my GP and ask her about it tomorrow. I also need to get a letter from her stating that I have a chronic health condition and shouldn't be required to work more than 40 hours a week. The asshats are rumbling about more work coming up, and I don't want any trouble from them. Get another job, you say? That's what I've been desperately trying to do for the last 6 months now, with no success. The mortgage business has forever tainted me for anything but retail, I guess.......

Well....OK, then.

I thought I was getting bored with my job, then on my 2 month anniversary last Friday, the controller (an important sounding position, isn't it? Makes it sound like we're all marionettes and she's in charge of the strings) called me into her office and told me that they were very pleased with my performance and were giving me a $2 an hour raise.

I was relocated to a new cubicle that day and I'm on a "team" now, along with a closer, a funder and an underwriter. I will work only on their files and I'll be responsible for QCing everything and ordering the wires. So, a challenge is in store for me.

I also FINALLY found a shrink who'll I'll be seeing regularly. My first appointment with her was that day too. I was so relieved to find someone to talk to after looking for literally 2 years now. All the shrinks in Austin either don't take my insurance or aren't accepting new patients. She gave me an "activity log" to keep track of for a week until I see her again. She says that many depressed patients don't reward themselves enough. I'm not sure what she means by "reward" though. We'll take that up next time.

a busy week......

Bidness is picking up, as they say, and I've been very busy this week. The only doctor appointment I had this past week was a nerve conductivity test at my neurologist's office. That's where they stick needles in your legs and put electricity through them to see how the nerves conduct sensation throughout. It was most.........unpleasant. I had to be pried off the ceiling at several points throughout and I'm sure patients in other exam rooms were wondering what they were doing to me to get me to make those extraordinary sounds. I get to do another one on my upper body this coming week and oh......HOW I'm looking forward to it.

My great-uncle Bill passed away this week. I wasn't able to make it up there to the funeral, which I felt bad about. My Aunt Alice was always there for me when my Mom was ill. Aunt Alice is the only one of my grandmother's siblings still alive and I'm close to her. She and Uncle Bill were married for over 50 years and even though Uncle Bill had been very ill for a long time, I know she's suffering now. I hope she will be OK. I hate to think of her being sad, but she has children and grand-kids to help her through. I don't even want to think of Adrian going before I do.....

We got most of our yard work done last weekend. There were still piles of leaves that were starting to leave bare spots in the yards, so we finally got them all raked up and put into bags. We spread mulch in the front flower beds. Now our yard looks beautiful again. Adrian has been reading up on natural or "green" gardening and he now knows how to compost, make weed-and-feed without chemicals and when and how long to water. I pulled up all the dandelions that infested the yard while my back was messed up. It looks like this now:

This canna flowered with a lovely bloom.

The hummingbird vine has flowered again too...and it smells so good!

The flower bed is looking a little less bare.