Winter Redux

It's very cold outside and it's sleeting. Adrian and I went to IKEA this afternoon and it started sleeting on our way home. I hope it doesn't kill all my flowers and plants. Two more big lilies showed up in the front bushes just last week.....

We bought a great floor lamp at IKEA. We had been wanting more ambient light in the front room, or "office" we call it. I also bought some cinnamon rolls, ginger snaps and some "Scandinavian Potato Chips" which are basically just thicker potato chips. Adrian got another couple of their good wood magazine holders. We could use at least 50 of those, but we only bought 2. Have to pay our taxes next week, you see......

I wanted to get one of their ergonomic memory foam pillows but of course they were out and wouldn't sell me a demo. "Health reasons", they ominously gave as the excuse. I guess they were worried that I'd catch some sort of monstrous head fungus or lice off a demo pillow.....

a busy week......

Bidness is picking up, as they say, and I've been very busy this week. The only doctor appointment I had this past week was a nerve conductivity test at my neurologist's office. That's where they stick needles in your legs and put electricity through them to see how the nerves conduct sensation throughout. It was most.........unpleasant. I had to be pried off the ceiling at several points throughout and I'm sure patients in other exam rooms were wondering what they were doing to me to get me to make those extraordinary sounds. I get to do another one on my upper body this coming week and oh......HOW I'm looking forward to it.

My great-uncle Bill passed away this week. I wasn't able to make it up there to the funeral, which I felt bad about. My Aunt Alice was always there for me when my Mom was ill. Aunt Alice is the only one of my grandmother's siblings still alive and I'm close to her. She and Uncle Bill were married for over 50 years and even though Uncle Bill had been very ill for a long time, I know she's suffering now. I hope she will be OK. I hate to think of her being sad, but she has children and grand-kids to help her through. I don't even want to think of Adrian going before I do.....

We got most of our yard work done last weekend. There were still piles of leaves that were starting to leave bare spots in the yards, so we finally got them all raked up and put into bags. We spread mulch in the front flower beds. Now our yard looks beautiful again. Adrian has been reading up on natural or "green" gardening and he now knows how to compost, make weed-and-feed without chemicals and when and how long to water. I pulled up all the dandelions that infested the yard while my back was messed up. It looks like this now:

This canna flowered with a lovely bloom.

The hummingbird vine has flowered again too...and it smells so good!

The flower bed is looking a little less bare.

5 Years On......

I lost my mom 5 years ago yesterday. Time does heal, but the pain of not having her to lean on or talk to never goes away. I miss hugging her. She was a large woman and soft all over, and hugging her made me know that everything would be OK and tomorrow was another day.
I miss talking to her, because she had a hard life, thanks to her parents and my father. Mom was never bitter about her life or how it turned out. She always knew what to tell me and how to best deal with a situation.
Last night before I went to sleep, I asked her to give me some sort of sign that she wasn't hurting anymore and was OK. I had a wonderful dream about her, my grandmother and my great-grandmother (both of whom I also miss).
I still have her with me and that gives me great comfort. I can't imagine having to go to a graveyard to visit with her. She never wanted that. She wanted me to take her with me wherever I went and that's exactly what I will do.

Ah Bin HEEEELED!

Yesterday, I went back to pain doc and received epidurals in my neck and my lower back. Once again, I was sent off to La-La Land with a lovely cocktail of Versed and Fentanyl, the deed was done and I was sent on my way, which was back home to bed. I slept deeply for 5 hours and woke up a bit nauseated. A tall glass of water cured the nausea, then Adrian and I went to buy some groceries and kitty food.
Went back to work today. I came home and let Dinsy out in the back yard. I then proceeded to pull some of the dandelions which have overrun our back garden. I did that very carefully so I wouldn't re injure my back. Unless you keep up with dandelion pulling without slacking for 3 weeks, you can be quickly and completely engulfed with the fuzzy, tea-making weeds. I think I'm going to have to dig up most of the yard to completely rid myself of them.
I'll be taking my new memory-foam lumbar back rest to work tomorrow.

More pain than I need

My pain level has skyrocketed since I last wrote. The pain doc sent me to a chiropractor for physical therapy. The first visit was OK, the chiro just put those electrode things on my back as well as an ice pack for 20 minutes. The pain kept getting worse, so on the second visit, the chiro tried adjusting me. It hurt so bad, I was in tears. I scheduled my third visit for a few days later to see if the pain would lessen, but by my third visit, I could hardly walk. Sitting and then getting up off the chair would just about make me faint. I wondered whether I had damaged the torn disc in my lower back even further.
On the third visit, I saw the main chiro who owns the practice. She again attempted to adjust me, but since I was literally howling in pain, she asked why I hadn't gone back to the pain doc. I told her it was because I couldn't get anyone on the phone, which was true. She said, Well, I'll fix that!"
She get somebody there on the phone and shouted at them about sending her a patient who was in terrible pain and obviously needed better painkillers than Ultram. I heard her say that somebody there better see me today. They gave me an appointment for 3pm that day.
I expressed my concerns to the pain doc about my lower back. She told me that she was sure it was just muscle spasms, that I hadn't damaged my disc. She moved my final injection appt. up 2 days to next Tuesday and gave me a prescription for Darvocet and told me to take my muscle relaxers during the day as well as at bedtime.
So........now I'm still in pain, but I can deal with it better. I wish they could have moved up my epidural appt. sooner.

On a lighter note, we missed Iggy & the Stooges (a free show) at Waterloo Records last night. They came on at 6pm and by the time I picked up Adrian and we got downtown with all the traffic, it would have been over anyway. I'm more sad that we'll miss the Buzzcocks at Emo's tonight. They only let in a few people without SXSW accouterments, so we'd never get in anyway. Two bands I've wanted to see since I was a kid and I miss both of them.......

What happened?

I was supposed to be feeling much better by now. I went to the chiropractor for my first visit and was worked over. Now, my head hurts, my arm hurts, my back hurts, my hips hurt, my legs hurt......and it pisses me off. My job is becoming more stressful and working when I feel so bad makes me feel even worse.
The chiropractor wanted me to come back every day for an adjustment, but fucking hell, who can afford that? I'm wondering where the money is for the appointment tomorrow. I'm TIRED of hurting. I want it to STOP.

On a similar note (being pissed off), SXSW is coming up this week here in Austin. If you can afford hundreds of dollars for a wristband or a badge, there are loads of great bands in town. If you can't afford a band or badge, you can still hear great bands for free. What pisses me off is that I can't go anywhere downtown or south of the river for the next week and a half because every place will be jammed with tourists and record company weasels. This is as close as Austin gets to being a resort town. Traffic will be much worse.

I'm only griping because I feel like shit. I really don't give a toss about SXSW.

Plants I haven't killed yet

Cannas in the back yard last summer.

Mystery plant in the back yard

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow plant in the back yard

Pretty, lovely-smelling narcissus in the front yard

There are several other plants I figured out yet. We have feathery ferns, monkey grass, loads of ivy and several ligustrum trees. I hope the cannas come back. The stems all turned brown and dead looking in the freeze, but bulb plants usually do that, then bloom again in the spring or summer. When we were looking at the house, the blooms were flaming orange........

Morning From Hell and Day After of Beauty

Yesterday morning, I awoke an hour and a half later than usual. Forgot to set my alarm, you see. When I realized how late it was, I sprang up out of bed and then I felt it. You know when you turn a certain way and you feel that little "catch" in your lower back, then you have to walk very slowly and gingerly and you have to lift yourself out of a sitting position with your arms because your legs aren't cooperating? Yeah, that's it........it'll go away in a couple of days. Just a muscle spasm, but very annoying.....

Since we were going to be late anyway, I minced out to the truck and took Adrian to work. I didn't have time to make coffee, so I thought about Starbucks, which has a drive-thru. Paid $7.25 for a large Cinnamon Soy Latte and a cinnamon roll. That was the second mistake of the day. Starbucks is a rip-off and their coffee sucks. Plus, the girl at the window didn't put the lid on right, so when I got to work and picked up my "coffee", it came off and then all of the Cinnamon Soy Latte was all over the front seat of my truck. Didn't get to drink a drop of it. Nice start to a LOVELY day.........

Fortunately, I had the second epidural injection this morning, this one in my neck. I was also nursing a blinding migraine from yesterday, so I was hoping it would help that too. After a nice IV with a side of Versed, I breezed right through it and was soon sitting in recovery sucking on a juice box, like a happy 6 year old. I took an Ultram when we got home and stretched out on the couch for a 3 hour nap and, aside from the catch in my lower back, I feel pretty good. My shoulders look to be about 4 inches lower than they were, which makes my neck look longer. YAY! Anything to help the vanity, eh ladies?

Plus, I have lovely narcissus growing in the front yard. They smell divine. When I can bend down again, I'll take some pics. Adrian has been doing yard work today while I've been "Diva of the Divan" as the Yankee nurse at the pain doc's terms it. Yard looks verrrry nice-ah......

In Dreams......

I've posted before of some strange dreams I've had:

Tea & Symbolism
Music-related dream

Those were just dreams that were so weird that I actually remembered them the following morning. For the last two nights, I've had a recurring dream. It's starts like this:

A friend of mine has invited me to go through this dead person's apartment and take whatever I want. The apartment has abnormally high ceilings and everything is bathed in the hazy, yellowish light you see when sunlight is filtered through cigarette smoke and sheer curtains. The apartment looks as if it hasn't been redecorated since the early 70s. The dead person (who I don't know) has some great stuff: art pottery, expensive perfumes, beautiful jewelry, rugs and quilts. I make a sizeable pile in the living room floor and start going through the closets, feeling a bit guilty, a bit like a vulture. You can't take it with you, so I might as well enjoy it....

My friend comes in and tells me that we have to leave immediately if we're going to get to the restaurant in time. Said restaurant is a little European bistro-type place in a mews with similar charming shops around it. Why do we need to get there so fast? Because an accordion player, billed as "Happiness On Two Feet", will be playing there this evening. We arrive at the bistro only to find that it's closed that day, and for some reason I can't go back to the dead person's apartment to get the schwag I picked out.

Sucks to be me, eh? Not with dreams like that! The only other recurring dream I can remember is when I was a teenager, I had several dreams about a tumbleweed with large blue eyes and long, bushy eyelashes that followed me around. Whenever I would try to send it away, the tumbleweed would cry huge salty tears and I'd feel sorry for it, so I'd let it stick around.

Anybody want to venture a guess about all this weirdness?

Kitty Porn

Above we see Dinsdale "throwing a full-bore rot". She does this when we come home from work, when she sees one of us at the computer or just when she wants us to pay attention to her. The act of "being rotten" entails doing something cute to get us to stop doing whatever it is that we're doing at that moment and fuss over her. We do that anyway but a full-bore rot always stops everything.

Go, me.....and Stop The Insanity!

Last night, I exercised for the first time in over a year. My knees hurt a bit, but that's from arthritis. My upper body is very sore. Still, I felt good enough to exercise and that's half the battle for me. I did one of my favorite aerobics videos; one that's basic, yet still gives a good, solid workout.
I prefer to exercise with videos. Walking outside makes my feet and knees ache, plus by the time I get home at night it's already dark. I don't like going to gyms, even if I could afford to, because they're crowded and usually populated by people who are there to see and be seen, rather than work out. That was always my experience with gyms anyway, maybe they're different now.
I lost weight before I got married by doing several of Susan Powter's videos. Yes, she's obnoxious, but her workout videos are great. No dancing, full of simple, yet effective moves and very easy to follow. She has a new one out called Trailer Park Yoga. Jeez, I'll have to check that out.....

And the winner is.........

Me, I think. I feel better physically this week than I have in a few years. I still have some pain and soreness, but it's in my joints where the arthritis is, not ALL OVER MY BODY. I've only taken 1 painkiller since last Saturday. Bring on the neck shot, I say! I'm hoping that's going to unknot my rock-hard (not in a good way) shoulders and jaw muscles. If it does, I'll be dancing around in circles........

I started my Ebay bidness this past weekend. I'm going to get rid of my early REM stuff. I don't really like them anymore and the stuff is just taking up room, so why not sell it? We need the $$ to pay our taxes anyway and we've got loads of stuff we could sell.......

We got Dinsy a new collar and she must like it because she's been extra lovey-dovey since we put it on her.

First in a series

This morning, I went to get the first in a series of 3 epidural steroid injections. This one was in my lumbar spine. I had told the nurse practitioner that I would prefer to be knocked out during this procedure, but when I arrived and got checked in today, I was informed that they "don't do that for back shots". So, with only local anesthetic, I got a needle stuck into my spinal column to deliver anti-inflammatory medication and steroid medication, which is supposed to cut or lower the inflamed sensation of the compressed nerves caught between my bulging disc and my torn one. I'll repeat that: I GOT A FUCKING NEEDLE STUCK IN MY SPINE AND THEY WOULDNT KNOCK ME OUT.
Actually, it wasn't THAT bad. I did feel it at certain points, but the whole thing took maybe 10 minutes, tops. I let them know it when I did feel it. My legs felt a bit strange immediately afterward, like I couldn't lift them high enough to not walk like a gimp, but other than soreness, I'm fine now. I may not be that way later tonight, when the numbing medication wears off. The steroids take about 3 days to kick in, so there will be a day or so where I'll be feeling "not so fresh", as they say in the tampon commercials.
Now I'm at home, napping, watching TV and dreading going back to work tomorrow. And yes, I do have to go back to work tomorrow, my boss is already freaking that I took today off. He's working with the flu. Good for him, make everybody sick.
Now, I have to come back on March 1st for the neck shot. They do put you out for that one, I asked the doc......

My Old Job

For 8 years, I worked at the best record store in Dallas. This was when a record store meant "Records", as in vinyl LPs, 45s, etc. We even had a separate room for 78s. We didn't start carrying CDs until 1997. Record collectors are by definition, unusual people, untroubled by new trends, current tastes in popular music and personal hygiene. There are exceptions, but for the most part, I dealt with the smelly ones. Some of the stranger ones are seared on to my memory:

1. The Hudson Family. This family would take the bus down from Michigan every year just to come to the store and buy records, usually 78s. Mom, Dad, little girl and little boy. They would be waiting when I arrived to open the store in the morning and I would have to chase them out at closing time. I remember the little girl, who was about 6 years old at the time, proclaiming to me as I was checking out a customer, "Hey lady, I gotta shit!" Nice. They didn't leave to eat, even when the kids (who were very young) would be crying from hunger. My boss Dorothy would usually go to McDonald's and buy Happy Meals for the kids and chew out the parents for being such assholes. The last time I saw them, as we were totaling up the final bill, Dad said, "Kids, I hope those Happy Meals were good, because we only have enough money for the bus tickets back home. We'll eat again when we get there." Dorothy went absolutely ballistic and threatened to call Child Protective Services unless he put most of those records back and saved enough money to feed his children.
Mrs. Hudson also used to walk around while breastfeeding the little boy in the store, which shouldn't cause any undue alarm; that's what they're FOR, right? But then we meet:

2. Cajun. Never knew his real name, just always called him Cajun. He spoke with exaggerated courtliness, used a carved walking cane and stunk to high heaven. He weighed about 400 lbs., had sparse facial hair and wore overalls and a gimme cap sideways on his head. He was in the store one day when Mrs. Hudson whipped out a tit and started feeding the kid. I noticed him staring and gave him the patented Lisa "Stink Eye", which sent him scurrying to the back of the store. Cajun sidled up to the store manager Chuck, still staring at Mrs. Hudson, and whispered "boy, ya don't see that everyday."

3. Mr. and Mrs. Pop Eye. He was about 5 feet tall, looked like Pop Eye with a beard and he usually came in with his wife, who was about a foot taller and outweighed him by about 200 lbs. She usually sported a black eye or two (he probably stood on a chair to get that high). He bought 45s exclusively. One day I was playing a Sam The Sham Best of LP and when "Wooly Bully" came on, they both started yelling at me to take the record off. I wasn't about to, so I asked what their problem was. Pop Eye said that it was "devil music"....The next time they came in, they had little Jesus pamphlets for me. I politely thanked them, then dropped them into the trash.

4. Phil Donohue. No, not THAT Phil Donohue, this idiot just looked like him. He used to come in and look at jazz LPs and tell me to "TURN IT DOWN!!" whatever I was playing, if it wasn't jazz. I would immediately turn it up, which would send him into paroxysms of anger, amusing me greatly. I caught him switching price tags one day and banned him from the store.

5. The drunk guy who came in with his 2 floozies to stock up his juke box. "Spend mah money for me!" he slurred at me, waving his arms around, "Ah gotta whole jukebox ta fill up!" I told him I could do that, but tomorrow when he sobered up, he wasn't getting his money back. "Ah ain't gunna brang 'em back! Spend mah money!!" So....I spent about $2500 for him. He had a real nice jukebox when I got done. Sure enough, the next day, here he comes, obviously hung over and wanting his money back. No dice, but he had a killer jukebox, so he should have been happy.

6. The rich guy who was a big wig at Texas Instruments and liked to come in and spend loads of money. He would buy anything I recommended, which always happened to be the extremely rare stuff in the front glass case. He never asked for his money back. He was a bit of a prick, though, and I secretly groaned when I saw him coming through the door, because I don't like dealing with pricks, no matter how much money they spend. My manager Chuck had purchased a rare, though unfortunately cracked, Robert Johnson 78 and had a special round wooden frame made to display it in. Rich guy noticed it one day and asked how much? Not for sale.
In a smarmy, prickish tone of voice, he said "Everything has a price. How much is it?"
I called Chuck, who said to tell him $5000 just to shut him up. So I told the guy $5 grand and he said, "I'll take it, and these other ones you picked out for me (about $600 worth of stuff). How do I get it out of that frame?"
Why did he want a cracked, rare 78 that available on various LPs out of the frame? He wanted to PLAY it. I told him, NO!! you do NOT want to play that, you'll ruin it! He said in the same smarmy voice "It's mine now, I'll do what I want with it." Prick.......but I got something out of him.....
A friend of Chuck's used to do stereo equipment repair and also sold high-end stereo equipment. Rich guy brought up a turn table and said to give to Chuck's pal to fix. I assumed he meant the same guy, so I gave it to Chuck's pal. Turns out it was meant for another friend, but the pal fixed it and rich guy ended up buying $100k worth of equipment and I got a very nice SOTA turntable for free out of the deal. Very nice....

7. Several Dallas cops used to come in and buy every copy of Johnny Reb's racist 45s we had. Made me glad I wasn't black or Mexican while living in Dallas....

8. An LBJ look-alike who came in regularly, always wearing the same polyester disco shirt which pictures of trees on it and obviously was never washed. Two things always happened when "LBJ" came in the store: my co-worker Steve and I would look at each other and chant in stereo, "Ah shall not seek and Ah will not accept the nomination of mah party fo another term as yore Prezident", and Dorothy would follow the guy around the store spraying Lysol in his wake, all the while scowling at him furiously. LBJ was completely oblivious to all of this.

9. The effeminate little weirdo who always came in for his Joni James and Judy Garland LPs. He was extremely annoying and mistakenly assumed that any of us gave a shit about his very existence. He would call after he left the store so we knew that he got home OK. He got married at one point to a girl who (this seems to be a re-occurring theme) outweighed him by 200 lbs. and brought in their honeymoon scrapbook (it was about 9 inches thick, which is more than he could say) to show us. No thanks, I just had lunch.
I thought I left him behind when I started working somewhere else, but to my dismay, he started working at my fave CD store in Dallas. I walked in one day and hear "Hiiiiiiiiii, Liiiiiiiisssssssaaaaaaaa!!!!! Did you miiiiiiisssssss meeeeeeeee?" Sure, like I miss an axe in my head. He also assaulted me at every record show in Austin, even when I was pointedly rude to him.
"Hiiiiiiiii, Liiiiiiisssssssaaaaaa!"
"FUCK OFF!"
"Ooohhhh, Liiiiiiiissssssssaaaaaaaa, you're suuuuuuuch a jooooooooker!"
"FUCK OFF OR I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Ooooohhhh, Liiiiiissssssssaaaaaaaa, you're ssssoooooo fuuuuuuunnnnyyyyy!!!!!".

10. One day, there was a big news story about a guy who killed his wife and kids and himself. Apparently, he had been abusive to them and wife had threatened to leave and take the kids, and the guy freaked out and killed them all then blew his head off. A sad story. We were discussing this in the store that Saturday when 2 teenage girls come in. They ask if we have a 45 of "Love Hurts" by Nazareth. I get it for them and they ask if I can play it for them. We had a little headphone player so people could try out records, but someone was using it, so I put it on the overhead system. As soon as the singing starts, the girls cling to each other and start WAILING. Everyone in the store is staring at them and I ask them to please keep it down. I'm thinking, "oh, they've got broken hearts, puppy love, etc". One of the girls stutters out that they want the record for their brother's funeral. It was their brother who had killed his family and then himself. Cue Twilight Zone theme.......

a visit with my inner child

Anybody who knows me knows that I live with my inner child on the outside pretty much all the time. During my visit with the "pain counselor" today, he asked me what my childhood as like. So....I told him. After he picked his jaw up off the floor, he suggested that I "pay a visit to my inner child" in order to lend comfort. As he led me through a visualization of walking near the ocean (something which freaks me out) and coming upon a "small, forlorn figure all alone on the beach", I was overcome with sadness and asked him to stop. The "small, forlorn figure" was supposed to be my 8 year old self and I was supposed to be the strong capapble adult, lending a comforting hand. What could I tell that 8 year old girl that would be of any comfort whatsoever?

1. Cheer up! You only have one more year of being molested, then he'll get tired of you. He'll die eventually and you only have to keep it a secret for 10 more years...
2. You'll be happily married one day, but you'll have to live through 3 suicide attempts, your beloved mother's fatal illness and pain-filled death, the death of your beloved grandmother after years of wasting away in a nursing home, and an abortion...
3. You'll be somewhat happy one day, but until then, you'll be hospitalized for depression and be on every anti-depressant on the market and you'll have chronic health problems starting in your late 30s.....
4. Your father will continue to make stabs at trying to be your friend, then ignore you when something else comes along, so you can give up trying to get his attention....

I'd just as soon leave my inner child in the past and continue having a happy second childhood. I don't like talking about all that stuff, because truly, what good does it do? It sure doesn't make me feel better, and who wants to hear that crap? I only told him because I'm paying him to listen to me and I'm only posting about it here because it's the only memorable thing to happen to me today, except for doing our taxes......

I haven't even begun to tell him ALL the stuff that happened. I just gave bullet points and that's probably all he'll get out of me. It's in the past and that's where it will stay.....

Groundhog Day

Where do I start?

Hmmmm......went back to pain doc today to get results of the MRIs on my neck and lower back. She was right: I have 2 bulging discs (or dicks, if this was the Greenville Herald-Banner) in my neck, one of which is pressing against and flattening my spinal cord; and 2 bulging discs in my lower back, one of which is torn and possibly leaking fluid. These are what have been causing the pain, along with the arthritis in all of my joints. The solution: epidural injections in my spine, or surgery if those don't work. I have the first injection on Feb. 15th. I'll be put under for it, so I get the day off work.

I got prescriptions for Lexapro (antidepressant) and Ultram (painkiller), of which I took the first doses today before lunch and promptly got a blinding migraine. The pharmacist called me at work right before I came home and told me to not take those together because of "increased risk of seizures". Cool! I told her she was too late and asked her to please refill my migraine meds. Note to self: start the Lexapro AFTER the injections, because I may not need the painkiller after then....

The night before last, my allergies were bugging me and I was out of Zicam, the homeopathic remedy I usually take for such. Instead, I took an over-the-counter allergy med from the grocery store and also an extra half pill of my muscle relaxer, since the pain was especially bad that night. About 30 minutes later,, I got really sleepy and went to bed. As I was laying in bed, I noticed a swarm of huge spiders come out of the ceiling fan. Then, I saw hands reach out for me from my peripheral vision. I freaked out and called for Adrian, who came into the bedroom. I had to ask him, why do you have a clown face on? He didn't. I could see it even though my eyes were closed. Great, I'm hallucinating! Now, I do sleepwalk, but I don't have nightmarish things happen when I sleepwalk and Adrian can always talk me out of it. These were full-on hallucinations, which, back in the day, would have been welcomed and even sought after, but shit, I was trying to sleep. The spiders, clown faces and reaching hands kept up until I finally drifted off to an uneasy sleep about 3:30am.

So that's been my fun week....

hic....hic....hic.......

I need to start drinking more heavily so I can treat people shitty and get away with it because "I was drunk". Apparently, when you drink, you can make plans with non-drinking people who will stupidly think you mean it, and then blow them off. When they get pissed at you, you can just say "oh hell, I was drunk, I don't even remember talking to you".
I've spent all these years being considerate to my friends and if I had been drinking, I wouldn't have had to bother! What a fucking drag! And according to another friend of mine (birthday boy), I have no right to be angry that I was "blown off", so to speak, because I can't control other people, so why be mad about how they treat me? Oh yes, and I'm blowing things all out of proportion and I'm "on the knife edge" too, according to said friend.
Now, I was raised among alcoholics, so you'd think I'd be used to this crap. But no, I married a good man who doesn't drink and I've tried to surround myself with decent friends, like Phillip and Shelly and Jimmy who don't treat people shitty. So I still do get really pissed when people whom I thought were my friends (some even relatives) who think it's OK to ignore me.
I hope I've never treated any of my real friends badly. If I ever did, I certainly never meant to......

Rough weekend

It's been a rough but enjoyable weekend. Our pal John turned 60 and had a big birthday party at a Mexican restaurant. He DJ'd and there was food and drinks, great music, etc. Unfortunately for me, the only place to sit was right in front of the speakers. I'm officially too old, because it was too fucking LOUD. Actually, I think it was because the speakers were lousy and full of distortion. Music played loud through good speakers doesn't bother me, even to the point where the bass makes my bones hum. Distortion is painful, however, and a major migraine started. Our pal Phillip and my sister-in-law Vicki were with us and we came back home around 11 and talked and snacked.

I also saw a girl who use to come into my record store in Dallas to buy records from me when she only 12 years old, but mainly because she had a crush on my co-worker Steve. She's now 29 (!) and lives here in Austin with her boyfriend. Twenty-nine years old! That makes me fucking OLD! She's a lovely woman and I was very glad to meet up with her again. My co-worker Steve, who was supposed to stay with us Saturday night, apparently made other plans and didn't even call to let us know.

Sunday, I got up earlier than usual since we thought my husband's other sister and her husband were coming over (that's what they said), but when we called them to ask when they would be here, we just got the answering machine. They've been blowing us off for a while now and I'm kind of tired of it. We all had a big misunderstanding earlier last year, but we all apologized and I thought it was over and done with. Now, every time we invite them over or they ask to come over, they never do. That's why I value my friends like Phillip and Shelly. They do what they say they're going to do and if can't for some reason, they let us know. Phillip and Shelly are real friends, and they seem to enjoy coming down here to visit us. We always have a great time when they do and I always look forward to seeing them. Shelly wasn't able to come to the party and we missed her very much.

I spent most of this afternoon (after Vicki went back to Dallas) in bed with a heat pack on my head, trying to get rid of this fucking migraine. The raised dosage of Lyrica is helping me sleep a lot better, but the pain is worse because I'm sleeping so deeply that I stay in one position for a long time (sometimes waking in the same position I fell asleep in) and I wake up feeling extremely sore and achy. I'll discuss that issue with the pain specialist later this week....

Please Bush, just....go away.....please.

I visited the "pain counselor" as recommended by my pain specialist. I told him my list of woes, that I had been on virtually every antidepressant on the market and tried biofeedback and cognitive therapy (which were a load of bullshit for my particular situation) and he listened, then suggested trying......you guessed it: biofeedback and cognitive therapy. "It's different now from what it was like in the 80s." Ahhh......we'll see about that. He said that when I see the pain doc again on the 1st, she would see about getting me on an SSRI. I mentioned Lexapro to her on my last visit. I haven't tried that one yet...

Monkey Boy is on all the channels giving his State of the Nation address. Every time he opens his mouth, people die. The Democrats aren't going to do any better. "I'm bored. Who should we invade now?"

I have an MRI on my neck and lower back on Thursday. I don't know exactly what they're looking for; the pain specialist thinks I have "issues" with vertebrae in those places. She pressed on a couple of places on my back and I almost collapsed from the pain, so maybe she's right. It doesn't bother me constantly, just an annoying reminder when I sit ir stand or lie in one position for too long. It prevents me from sleeping soundly, since the pain will wake me up whenever I switch positions. The raised dosage of Lyrica is helping the sleep part a bit, but not the pain bit. Maybe it will in time.....

I'm trying to get used to wearing my contacts again. I hate my glasses. I can't see as well with them as I could with my contacts, but my eyes are dryer now. I need to have my eyes checked again. If I could start wearing my contacts again, that would be so great.....