Bitch Slapped by Sobriety - Chapter Two

Dad and I have always been like two peas in a pod. Dad taught me how to ride a bike, to always open doors for old ladies and to wash my hands after visiting the toilet. My mom wasn't around when I was growing up. My dad told me that she died in a bizarre accident. Apparently, she chopped her own head off with my dad's axe. Dad said his clothes got all bloody when he tried to reattach it. That's my dad; always trying to help others.

I know that when I have kids of my own, I'll try to impart my dad's wisdom and life lessons, such as:

- If it feels good, it must be good for you.
- You'll never lose a fight if you have more bullets than the other guy.
- Try your hardest to act like a normal person.
- Don't wear your wedding ring when you're trolling for chicks.
- Always keep your axe sharpened. You never know when you'll need it.
- Don't try to reattach something that just "fell off". The cops won't understand.

Our Olan Mills portraits - don't we look alike?